Quips from Kay

The following are real quotes from actual letters received at the Pension and Compensation Board, something like Social Security. Shows how important good grammar is . 1. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children, can you tell me why it is? 2. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it? 3. Mrs. Brown has no clothing for a year, and has been regularly visited by the clergy. 4. I am glad to say that my husband, who was reported missing, is now diseased. 5. Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my two children, one of which is a mistake, as you can see. 6. Unless I get my husband's money soon I will be forced to lead an immortal life. 7. My husband has been put in charge of a spittoon (platoon) so now do I get more money? 8. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is        satisfactory. 9. You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will it make any difference? 10. I want money ...

The other day I got a call from a young lady whose job it is to check on old people like me; part of a Medicare service.  She checks to see if I am following the prescribed setup given to me by my doctor, etc. When she asked how I was doing, I replied, "Oh, I'm cooking on all four burners." She said, "You're busy so I'll let you go." She wasn't familiar with that phrase which means I'm doing just fine. That brought to mind a few of the old adages that still come in handy from time to time. Things l like, "that's a tough row to hoe" or "don't get your knickers in a twist" or "I feel like I been rode hard and put up wet". There's also, "He don't know shit from Shinola". See, Shinola was (maybe still is) a brand of shoe shine polish, so you get the picture. There's also a saying that "It's colder than a well-digger's ass". Does anyone understand that a well digger is bendi...