Leftovers

+Greta Garbo didn't shave her legs, so why should I?
(Who is Greta Garbo, you ask?  Just Google it)
+ Am I going to be one of those old ladies with the corners of her mouth turned down seeking to join the rest of her body on the way to the floor?
+ If there is ever a need to hide the Hope Diamond somewhere other than where it is now, I have an available navel that will serve well.
+ If Noah could make an ark large enough to hold all those animals, he would have been smart enough to leave out mosquitos and flies; ergo, I say God hadn't made them yet
+ The only reason I don't have wrinkles in my face is because I don't wear a bra
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Panic
My first mother-in-law didn't like me 'cause I wasn't Hispanic
My second one thought I was and that put her in a panic.
Now perhaps they can commiserate 
about how they learned to hate
the things they could not control.
They still can't; How droll!
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LOOKIN' GOOD

When I looked good, no one said.
But now that I'm about half dead,
people go out of their way to say,
"My, don't you look fine today."
Once I was a petite size four.
That ain't gonna' happen no more.
Now I feel fine if I can wear a ten,
but twelve is more likely what I can get in.
Oh well, I'm still here and doin' great.
So pile some more potatoes on my plate! 


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