FREDERICKSBURG FOLLIES
It's been a while since I blogged but stuff keeps happening here to keep me away from this. I don't think I can write any more about my French ancestors because there is too much confusing information. I shall leave that job to my offspring.
I would like to tell you about my stint as a Deputy Sheriff in Fredericksburg. The county applied for a grant to build a new law enforcement building but there were certain requirements for getting one. They needed a female and a Hispanic, which is a bit difficult to find in a town like Fredburg. Well, they found me, a female with a Hispanic surname! Tah,dah! The funds came through but not while I was serving as Deputy. One of my first experiences was with a woman who was brought in for drunkeness after having a high old time in one of the rural beer joints. They wanted to put her in a cell, but after fingerprinting her, she absolutely refused to budge from her chair. They called me, which they should have done in the first place, to see if I could get her up. I found out she didn't want to move because she had peed all over her nice white pantsuit and she was embarassed. Finally got her to move to a cell after I banished the guys.
Another time they needed me because they had picked up a very ill Mexican national on the highway and had him in a cell in the basement. They called the doctor who checked him out and prescribed a suppository for the dysentery the poor man had. None of the deputies or policemen could speak Spanish so it was left up to me to instruct the fellow how to use the suppository. Oh joy! I am fluent in Spanish but instructions on how to insert that are not in my vocabulary. The only thing I knew how to say was, "Stick it up your ass!" Poor guy. ...he was upset enough without a woman telling him that! All the men were hanging over the stair railing watching to see what happened and laughing at me.
None of the men wanted Luckenbach as their area to patrol so I decided I could take that one. Oh, gee, how difficult. I had to go sit in the shade of the giant oak trees in Luckenbach or hang out in the evening with the artists who would sit around a fire, drink beer and play great music. Such a tough job. Actually, it was pretty calm until Waylon and Willie sang that song. Then people found it and it became a crowded mess. They even had to add toilet facilities after that. The outhouse wasn't good enough for tourists, I guess.
There was an old farmer in Fredericksburg who used to drink a lot...(.he was not unique.) The particular one I refer to was drinking with buddies in his kitchen one evening and he started bragging about this smart horse he had. The horse could do tricks, he claimed. When his friends said they didn't believe him, he thought he'd show them but it was dark, so he brought the horse into the kitchen. Well, the horse didn't feel like performing, so the farmer got mad and shot him right there. A large animal like a horse lying on the kitchen floor presents a problem. However, the farmer, undaunted, decided the best way to get him out was to cut him up so the drunken friends assisted in slice and dice of the poor animal. They did manage to get the parts out of the kitchen but had a helluva time cleaning up the mess.
There was a man who loved to hang out at the Sheriff's office. He was okay but pretty slow so when we got a new communication console, he was fascinated and wanted to see how it worked. This was way before computers and all the stuff we have now. Just a method whereby we could send and receive messages from other law enforcement agencies, rather than just phone. Anyway, the Sheriff
told this fellow that the new equipment we had could trace and see people wherever they were. And I quote, "It can even tell us what you're doing out there in your back pasture with the cows!", whereupon the guy started shaking and was obviously very upset when he left. Probably went out there only in the dark of night after that.
I would like to tell you about my stint as a Deputy Sheriff in Fredericksburg. The county applied for a grant to build a new law enforcement building but there were certain requirements for getting one. They needed a female and a Hispanic, which is a bit difficult to find in a town like Fredburg. Well, they found me, a female with a Hispanic surname! Tah,dah! The funds came through but not while I was serving as Deputy. One of my first experiences was with a woman who was brought in for drunkeness after having a high old time in one of the rural beer joints. They wanted to put her in a cell, but after fingerprinting her, she absolutely refused to budge from her chair. They called me, which they should have done in the first place, to see if I could get her up. I found out she didn't want to move because she had peed all over her nice white pantsuit and she was embarassed. Finally got her to move to a cell after I banished the guys.
Another time they needed me because they had picked up a very ill Mexican national on the highway and had him in a cell in the basement. They called the doctor who checked him out and prescribed a suppository for the dysentery the poor man had. None of the deputies or policemen could speak Spanish so it was left up to me to instruct the fellow how to use the suppository. Oh joy! I am fluent in Spanish but instructions on how to insert that are not in my vocabulary. The only thing I knew how to say was, "Stick it up your ass!" Poor guy. ...he was upset enough without a woman telling him that! All the men were hanging over the stair railing watching to see what happened and laughing at me.
None of the men wanted Luckenbach as their area to patrol so I decided I could take that one. Oh, gee, how difficult. I had to go sit in the shade of the giant oak trees in Luckenbach or hang out in the evening with the artists who would sit around a fire, drink beer and play great music. Such a tough job. Actually, it was pretty calm until Waylon and Willie sang that song. Then people found it and it became a crowded mess. They even had to add toilet facilities after that. The outhouse wasn't good enough for tourists, I guess.
There was an old farmer in Fredericksburg who used to drink a lot...(.he was not unique.) The particular one I refer to was drinking with buddies in his kitchen one evening and he started bragging about this smart horse he had. The horse could do tricks, he claimed. When his friends said they didn't believe him, he thought he'd show them but it was dark, so he brought the horse into the kitchen. Well, the horse didn't feel like performing, so the farmer got mad and shot him right there. A large animal like a horse lying on the kitchen floor presents a problem. However, the farmer, undaunted, decided the best way to get him out was to cut him up so the drunken friends assisted in slice and dice of the poor animal. They did manage to get the parts out of the kitchen but had a helluva time cleaning up the mess.
There was a man who loved to hang out at the Sheriff's office. He was okay but pretty slow so when we got a new communication console, he was fascinated and wanted to see how it worked. This was way before computers and all the stuff we have now. Just a method whereby we could send and receive messages from other law enforcement agencies, rather than just phone. Anyway, the Sheriff
told this fellow that the new equipment we had could trace and see people wherever they were. And I quote, "It can even tell us what you're doing out there in your back pasture with the cows!", whereupon the guy started shaking and was obviously very upset when he left. Probably went out there only in the dark of night after that.
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