A BIT OF BRIT

 I thought today I would take you back with me to my visit with my daughter in Cobham, Surrey, England, in 2014. First it must be pointed out that just because we Americans have a basic language in common with the British doesn't mean that we speak it the same. That being said, I will 'splain, as my Brazilian friend would say. 

I asked about a train to a village called Claygate and the guard told me to take the one "viyahCobham". I thought it was yet another town I had to go through. Found out he meant, "via Cobham". When you get off the train if you want to leave the station there is a sign that says  "WAY OUT".  At first I thought it was some leftover hippie description of the place but soon discovered it was the exit. 

If they want to tell you about a great "scheme" which to us Yanks sounds like some nefarious plan, it's not that, it's just an innocent plan. If you order streaky bacon, it's like ours with fat running through it. Just bacon is like what we all Canadian bacon. If you ask for a glass of water, you must decide if it is to be still or not. Never thought I'd have to tell my water to be still. "Not" is sparkling.

 My daughter and I had brunch at a charming little place in downtown Esher (pronounced EESHA)  where I ordered the full English breakfast. "Full" is an understatement! Two range free scrambled eggs, large link of delicious sausage, two pieces of their bacon, two pieces of toast and a baked tomato!! I rolled out of there to try to walk it off and that's when my adventure of trying to catch a bus back to her house began. I can't even give you the details but suffice it to say that when someone like me from a little town in South Texas where there weren't any buses,  tries to figure out the bus schedule posted it's beyond all comprehension. After you go through the list of times and get to the bottom of the schedule, there's a little note saying, "times are subject to change". Oh thanks, how the hell am I supposed to know what the change is? Besides that, the bus stop is on the wrong side of the street. Oh no--wrong. They drive on the left. My daughter had to come pick me up because I couldn't figure out when the bus would come. Duh!

There was a nice pub about 140 yards from my daughter's house and it was called The Cricketer and it doesn't look much like the pubs you see in the movies. I enjoyed walking down to the pub to sit and watch the inhabitants. It was difficult to order in any food establishment because of the difference in English. For example if you order chips there you'll get French fries. Must say "crisps". When I asked for coffee I had to specify "Cafe Americano" in order to get a regular cup. Then they wanted to know if I wanted white or black coffee.  They put the cream in for you so that's white. . Hamburger buns are "baps" which is okay but the worst thing I ran into was the whole chicken. My daughter asked me to make a paella for her so I bought a chicken. No problem...except they leave the foot on ! The only chicken foot I want to have anything to do with is a domino game. I couldn't cut it off! I'll bet they chicken fry it.

On my first Saturday in Esher my daughter and I went to some antique shops in a town called Farnham.  The Packhorse Antiques was chocker-block full of antiques and kitschy stuff laid out over about fifteen rooms, all one on top of the other. We then went to a place called simply Antiques Warehouse and that was full of wonderful old stuff. There was a man playing the piano on the third floor and he never took a break during the whole time we were there. I asked him if he had a tip jar and he said, "Oh no, we don't do that over here".

I  found a place to sit down at an old dining table that was laid out with two beautiful cakes, tea and coffee, all for sale if you wanted it. As I sat there four British ladies about my age came in and had a good look around. We all sat down at that table and got acquainted with each other. One lady was a descendant of Joseph Smith, the Mormon who started that religion in the U.S. and another was a retired school teacher. One had been raised on the Greek island of Stamos on a coffee plantation. They were just great to visit with and we all wound up singing to the piano music. The manager of the place came up and took our order so we had a proper English tea. I had read several times that the phrase they use when entertaining with tea is "Shall I be Mother" which means I will serve so one of them did.

I needed to buy a sweater because it was getting a lot cooler but I learned that it's not called that, it's a "jumper". But the most confusing language I came across was when I was at a garden party and I asked where the restroom was. They asked if I was tired and needed a rest. I replied, "No just need to use the facilities." They thought that was charming and why didn't I just say "TOILET". Everywhere there are signs that direct you to the TOILET, or WC, and antiquated substitute for water closet. I don't know about you, but I prefer to say restroom. 

Enough of this for now. There's more but this is pretty long.